Sitting Pretty Page 13

  Squeezing a blob of serum into my fingers, I rubbed my hands together to spread it around, and started scrunching it into my hair and working it through. I was just reaching for the hair dryer when I thought I heard the front door open and close. Marvin must have forgotten the parmesan or something. He should have said – I could have gone and got it.

  Wondering if he’d left the pasta on the stove and if I should nip down and give it a quick stir, I headed for the landing. That was when I heard Marvin’s voice, very loudly and exaggeratedly saying, ‘Hey! Henry! I wasn’t expecting you back so soon! Good to see you, big brother. Talisker will be so happy! Are you hungry, Henry? Sit down and I’ll dish up.’

  No! He couldn’t be back. He just couldn’t. But he was. What was I supposed to do now?

  CHAPTER FORTY

  ‘I thought you said he was going to be away for the whole weekend and part of next week,’ I whispered to Marvin, thanking God that I’d happened to be upstairs combing Frizz Ease through my hair and not sitting at his kitchen table stuffing my face when that front door opened. My stomach rumbled again, this time in protest – it wasn’t thanking anybody for getting between it and that delicious-smelling food downstairs. It was wishing Henry Halliday had caught a later flight or taken a route from the airport with a traffic jam on it.

  And what would have happened if I’d already started using the hair dryer? He’d surely have heard that and wanted to know who was upstairs. My heart was banging so hard I could barely hear the panic in my own voice over it. I could feel it, though, and it felt like a pressure cooker that had been left to slowly build up for weeks and weeks and was about to explode. ‘What am I going to do?’

  ‘Don’t worry, Beth.’ He said it so calmly that I almost did a double take. Did he not realise the seriousness of the situation? His brother wasn’t all laid back and ‘anything goes’ like he was. He would be furious when he found out.

  ‘What do you mean, don’t worry?’ My whisper went up an octave.

  ‘Look, just stay in here and …’

  ‘What? Hide?’ I whisper-squeaked. ‘Where? Behind the shower curtain? In the wardrobe? Under the bed? Those were the first places you thought of looking when you found me here.’

  ‘Yes, but he knows I’m here …’

  ‘Won’t he ask why you’ve been sleeping in his bedroom instead of the spare room while he’s been away?’

  ‘Look, I’ll just tell him I like the shower better in his en-suite – which I do, as a matter of fact. It’s a power shower …’

  A squeak of frustration escaped my lips which I then immediately clamped shut before they did anything else to give me away. Power shower? I’d give Marvin power bloody shower! Did the man have no sense of urgency at all? ‘Thanks for the amateur dramatics, by the way. Those loud repetitions of his name didn’t sound at all suspicious. I bet you two speak to each other like that all the time.’

  ‘Sorry,’ he grinned, risking a beating around the head with the bottle of Toilet Duck. ‘I had to make sure you could hear it was him so you didn’t come back down. Look, you just stay here, don’t make any noise, and as soon as he leaves for his office in the morning you can make your escape.’

  ‘Don’t make any noise?’ My words were now coming out as the sort of sounds only dogs could hear. ‘Have you heard my stomach rumbling? If it gets any louder they’ll be able to hear me in Dorset. And where do you think you’re going to sleep tonight?’ I suddenly had a horrible premonition that he was expecting us both to share the spare bed, which was most definitely not going to happen.

  ‘Look, Beth, we’ll have to sort that out later,’ he mumbled. ‘I’d better get back downstairs or he’ll wonder what I’m doing when there’s a nice glass of beer waiting for me on the table …’

  ‘And my wine glass!’ I almost shrieked. I’d forgotten about that.

  ‘Don’t worry. I’ll say I invited a friend round for dinner but she had an emergency and had to go before it was ready. It’ll be fine. Just don’t make any noise.’ And with that he left, shutting the door behind him.

  Right. Fine. I’d just stay there and not make any noise. Did he have any other stupid commands for me? I stood where he’d left me, staring at the door and wondering why we couldn’t have just said we’d bumped into each other and he’d asked me to stay for dinner. At least that way I’d have had some food. I was starting to suspect Marvin was enjoying this subterfuge a little too much. Henry Halliday would be coming up those stairs to unpack his travel bags – either before or after he’d enjoyed my lovely dinner – and then he’d go back down, and then later on, when he was tired, he’d come back up to go to bed. That would make three times at the very least, that he’d be on that landing, walking past this room, this door. A couple of inches of wood was the only thing stopping him from seeing me. What if he decided he wanted one of his laundry fresh, specially-packaged, hypoallergenic pillows now his brother, who wasn’t as borderline OCD as he was had been sleeping in his room? What if he decided to swap the bedding over? Where the hell was I supposed to disappear to while that was happening?

  And what if he didn’t believe Marvin about the wine glass? What if he thought his brother had brought some girl here and he came in to check? I wondered what other incriminating evidence I’d left in the lounge. All this time, I’d been so careful about not leaving anything of mine lying around downstairs. I’d kept all my stuff as small and together and as tidy as possible. Then Marvin had turned up and suddenly I was treating the place like I was a guest. What an idiot I’d been! How could I have let myself become so blasé? So careless?

  I tiptoed around the room, gathering my stuff together and carrying it as quietly as possible through to the en-suite, just in case the owner of the house should decide, for whatever reason, to come into his own spare room. Wiping out the bottom of the bath tub to make sure it was dry, I placed my bag in it, shielded by the shower curtain, and then, with a silent sigh, I took the book I’d been reading off the top of it, carefully put the lid of the toilet down, and sat on it to read – what else was I supposed to do up here?

  ‘Just going to check something on my laptop!’ I heard Marvin yell as his footsteps sounded out up the stairs. He really should join an am dram group – they’d love him. It was thoughtful of him to find of a way of letting me know that it would be him opening the spare room door and not his brother, but seriously, could he not hear how strange and hammy he sounded? It seemed a tad ungrateful to tell him that his heavy, clompy footsteps could definitely not be confused with Henry Halliday’s much quieter, cat-like tread. I heard the bedroom door open and waited for him to realise where I was.

  ‘Hello,’ I mouthed at him when he popped his head round the bathroom door.

  ‘You don’t have to hide in here,’ he chuckled.

  ‘Shush, he’ll wonder who you’re talking to,’ I whispered. ‘What does he think you’re checking?’

  Marvin shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Something nautical? He’s about as interested in boats as you are, so I could tell him I’m bidding on eBay for a second hand spliced main brace or a double-ended buoy and it’d mean absolutely nothing to him. Which,’ he clocked the look on my face, ‘is about as much as I can see it means to you.’

  ‘Did he believe you about the wine glass?’

  ‘Why wouldn’t he? Why would I lie to him about having invited a girl over for dinner? It has happened before, you know. I’m not so ugly that I can’t get a member of the opposite sex to sit on the other side of a table and have dinner with me.’ Marvin winked at me. ‘After all, you were going to.’ He was far too nonchalant about this for my liking.

  ‘You’d better get back down there.’

  ‘OK. I’ll try and sneak you up something to eat as soon as I can. Enjoy your book.’ And he strolled out, shutting the bedroom door on his way before I could forget about not making any noise and throw it at him.

  I was bored with my book and contemplating the ridiculousness of t
his latest situation I’d managed to place myself in when I heard Henry Halliday come up the stairs. My breath was held as he walked past the door again and on to his own room. A few minutes later, Marvin came up too.

  Standing up, rather stiffly – bathrooms don’t make the most comfortable places to sit for a couple of hours – and carefully, so I didn’t rattle the wooden seat, I edged into the bedroom.

  ‘I brought you these.’ He handed me a small, open packet of McVitie’s Digestives , not a particular favourite – that would be the chocolate version, and a cup of tea and said,’ Sorry. It was all I could get my hands on. A cuppa and some biscuits in bed was the first thing I could think of that wouldn’t look too odd.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I said, forcing myself not to grab the biscuits. I was grateful right now for anything and kicking myself for not having had a bigger potato for lunch … I shoved the first biscuit in almost whole, to stem the rising of the next stomach rumble.

  And now for the awkward part – well, the more awkward than what had already happened this evening part.

  ‘OK,’ I whispered, ‘Do you want to use the bathroom now? Then I’ll put any bedding you don’t want to use in the bathtub and …’

  ‘You’re kidding right?’ He looked at me as if I’d just told him I still believed in Father Christmas, the Easter bunny, and the tooth fairy. ‘That won’t be very comfortable.’

  ‘It’ll be fine,’ I quietly and firmly protested. I didn’t want him getting any funny ideas about us sharing the bed.

  ‘Look, Beth, the bed’s perfectly big enough for us to share without touching. I promise you, I’d be on my best behaviour, but if you don’t trust me we can always put those spare pillows down the middle.’ Too late to worry about the getting any funny ideas thing. I wondered if there was any way at all I could sneak out in the night without making any noise. Although I couldn’t think where I’d go. Anyway, chances were I’d trip over Talisker at the top of the stairs, soundly hit each one on the way down and wake up the entire village.

  ‘The bath tub will be just fine,’ I repeated as firmly as I could without saying it any louder. ‘Now go and do your teeth and … whatever else you need to do. I don’t want you needing to use the loo in the middle of the night. That’s an image and a sound I really don’t need in my head.’

  He shook his head as if in bewilderment at my half-baked madness but did as he was told, before coming out and saying, ‘Look if you’re that against us sharing the bed, you should have it and I’ll sleep in the tub. I’m a sailor, after all, I’m used to sleeping in awkward spaces.’

  ‘No, I’m much smaller than you,’ I argued. ‘And in any case, if there’s the tiniest chance of your brother coming in because … because he’s forgotten to tell you something, or whatever, it needs to be you in that bed rather than me, doesn’t it?’

  Marvin’s last words to me before I shut the door and climbed into my makeshift bed were, ‘Should I be offended that you were perfectly happy to share this bed with a cat who, although perfectly clean for an animal, has never used toilet paper, soap, or toothpaste in his life, but you’d rather give yourself a stiff neck sleeping in the bath than share it with me?’

  ‘One, I am a married woman. Two, you are not cute and furry. And three, I am treating that as a rhetorical question,’ I told him, then shut the door. And locked it.

  CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

  He’d been right enough about the stiff neck. Boy, oh boy, had he been right. While the tub had been rendered quite snug by the spare pillows from the wardrobe and the bed, my neck had, during the night, slipped between two of them. It was indeed feeling very sorry for itself and making sure that the rest of me knew about it. I was gingerly rubbing it, trying to alleviate some of the stiffness, when I heard Marvin scrabble gently at the door – well, at least I hoped it was Marvin. I found myself doing a very poor impression of Quasimodo as I tiptoed over to open it.

  ‘Thank God,’ Marvin rushed in past me. ‘I’m absolutely busting for a …’

  I closed the door with myself on the bedroom side of it before I could hear the rest of that sentence. Looking at the little alarm clock on the bedside table, I saw that it was five to seven. I’d have to get a move on. All I needed was for Henry Halliday to go to work and leave the coast clear for me to get down the stairs and out of the house.

  A worrying thought suddenly struck me. What if, after his troubleshooting trip, he decided to take the day off and give himself a long weekend? If he’d had a stressful time over the last few days, it was possible. Marvin must have clocked the look on my face when he came back out.

  ‘What’s up?’ He looked from me to the door and back to me again.

  ‘He is definitely going to go to work today, isn’t he?’

  ‘My brother, the workaholic? What do you think? Now you go and have a shower. He’ll think it’s me in there and I can have one after he’s gone. Unless …’ He raised an eyebrow at me.

  ‘What? I refuse to share a bed with you, but you think I’m going to share a shower with you?’ I folded my arms across my chest and put on my best battle-axe face.

  ‘Can’t blame a fella for trying,’ he chuckled, stepping out of the way for me to go back in.

  I was dressed and almost ready to make my escape as soon as it became possible, when we heard the front door bang shut. We looked at each other.

  ‘Coast’s clear,’ he said at normal volume. ‘Have you got everything?’

  ‘Almost.’ I picked up my toothbrush and toothpaste and slipped them into my spongebag before zipping it up and pushing it into my bag. Laying my book on top of it, I had a quick look round the bathroom and bedroom. ‘Right, well … thanks for … everything … and taking me to the Isle of Wight …’

  ‘My pleasure. It’s certainly been different,’ he grinned and we went down the stairs. ‘Where will you stay tonight?’

  ‘Don’t worry about me. The first thing I’m going to do when I get in to the office is to hand in my notice. I’ll also tell Davina I have nowhere to stay while I work it. She doesn’t want me to leave, so she’ll think of somewhere.’ She’d probably order one of the others to put me up, but I didn’t have much choice now Henry Halliday had come back.

  Talisker was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. I picked him up and gave him a cuddle, kissing the top of his head for what was probably going to be the last time. The thought brought a lump to my throat and a prickle behind my eyes.

  ‘You know, Tal, out of all the pets I’ve looked after at Sitting Pretty, you’ve always been my very favourite.’ He head butted my chin, loudly purring as if to say, ‘Of course I have – who could be better than me? No one, that’s who!’

  It was hard to put him down but I had to get to the office and say my piece to Davina. I rubbed my cheek against his one last time and put him on the floor. He wandered off towards the utility room, his tail in the air and not a care in the world.

  ‘I’d better be off,’ I said, wanting to get out of there before that prickly feeling behind my eyes turned into actual tears. Then I stuck out my hand to shake Marvin’s at the same time as he went to hug me.

  ‘What? Not even a hug for the fella who saved your bacon?’ He hammed up the disappointed act.

  ‘You know, you really should take up amateur dramatics,’ I chided. He wasn’t going to give up, was he? And he had been very kind to me.

  I put my bag down on the bottom step and opened my arms to give him a quick hug but he enveloped me in his, saying over my head, ‘You’re one crazy girl, Beth Dixon. That husband of yours has to be the biggest muppet on the planet.’

  He was just letting go of me when the front door opened and in, carrying a small loaf of bread and a newspaper, walked Henry Halliday.

  CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

  He’d gone to the village shop. He hadn’t left for work at all, he’d gone to the sodding village shop. What should I do?

  After all these weeks of getting away with it, today, thi
s morning, the very last time I was ever going to do this was the time I had to get caught. I looked from one to the other of them. Henry Halliday looked from one to the other of us. And Marvin Halliday just stood there like a big idiot.

  ‘Good morning,’ Henry Halliday, ever the well-mannered gentleman said after a pause.

  ‘Good morning,’ I feebly replied.

  ‘Oh good, you got some bread,’ said the big idiot who by now, thankfully, had dropped his arms to his sides. ‘Saved me a walk. I’ll put some toast on, shall I?’ And with that, he took the bread from Henry’s hand and wandered as nonchalantly as you like towards the kitchen, leaving me to face his brother alone.

  ‘I … I have to be going,’ I stated the blatantly obvious then, hit by a shaft of inspiration added, ‘Nobody told me you were back so I came to see to Talisker, but I can see you don’t need me, so I’ll be off.’ My pathetic wittering finally over, I ducked past the man I’d been so carefully – or so I’d thought – avoiding and made my escape through the front door. I just about managed to stop myself from running towards the little lane leading to the common, where I’d parked my car in the hope it would just be taken for another dog walker’s vehicle.

  My hands were trembling as I fumbled with the keys. So was my breath. Once inside, I had to sit a moment to gather myself together before even thinking of starting the ignition – the last thing I needed right now was to drive into the ditch and have to go back and ask for help.

  Had he believed my pathetic attempt at an excuse, made even more improbable by what was clearly my overnight bag? What would he do? What would Marvin say? Would Marvin back up what I’d said? Had he even heard me? He’d seemed to be very engrossed all of a sudden in the preparation for making a bit of toast.